A danger to those around me?

Yesterday.

This post is about what transpired at a petrol pump in Punjabi Bagh, concerning me, mera dost and a fat lady, while I was driving my friends swift, when? You guessed it, yesterday.

Okay, due to certain events that happened ,see here, I really couldn’t drive a lot, and yesterday I just felt like driving around, so laying waste to my friends demands of going to some pub (I mean he actually suggested Bacchus !! Bacchus = cheapest place I know which can also pass of as a brothel), I decided just to drive around. Okay I guess ill fast forward through the part in which I’m supposed to describe the lush green meadows and the scenery and tell you about the incident.

Okay the scene of the crime was a petrol pump ( you wouldn’t have guessed would you?) there was a couple (so as to speak) which had just gotten off from a scooter and were using the i-don’t-know-what-its-called in front me. The guy was ummm, I don’t even remember what he was like that just shows that he was a part of the nameless and faceless millions but the female was HUGE, I mean the largest individual I have ever come across ever!! Anyways my amigo noticed,

HIM:I dare you to hit the fat one, in frount of the car.

ME:R U INSANE??

HIM: Chal, for 1000 bucks.

ME: Dude your soo juvenile.

HIM: Soo your backing out ryt?? LOOSER.

ME:ummmmm

I was less than game for the challenge (as you may have noticed!! But hey he was going too far!!), anyways I took it, and just pretended to look at the side and nudged her at like 2 km/hr and 50 rpm, that’s when colossus fell, fell hard. I got out and tried my best to help. I would have actually succeeded in keeping a straight face, but my friend decided that the best course of action was to laugh wildly while thumping the bonnet of the car. That didn’t exactly help, so in my attempts to help her I ended up coming across as umm a not very nice person, well I was shooed away as I watched the victim try to get up and fail I guess she would have managed it in the end after being helped buy her husband and half a dozen attendants. I got of out that place, collected the well earned 1000 bucks. Reached home. And I run into my mom at the gate! Then it happened.

HIM: Aunty you have quite a child!!
MOM: Why what happened?
ME: Nothing maa, he just means to say that I can drive well.
HIM: Haan haan, hitting pedestrians does qualify as driving nicely!
MOM: What??
ME: ( I give up at this point of time and leave, praying that he doesn’t relay too much to mother dearest)

15 minutes later I am confronted by dad. This is what I hate about Sundays, I mean parents are everywhere!! Trust me he didn’t see humor anywhere, I mean what was an innocent nudge at 2 km/hr which wouldn’t even hurt a fly was made to look like an attempt to murder!! Dad went on and on about how I was actually a danger to those around me, and how the next thing I know I might be involved in random street killings. All in all he made me feel like a rapist, and it wasn’t over there, dad drove me to that bastard’s place to give back the 1000 bucks, I didn’t even attempt to ask him is I could drive!

The worst part here is that I can kiss the Fabia I was supposed to get college first year goodbye!! Lesson learnt, next time you do what your friend dared you to do, just don’t bring him home!!

All in all just another day with me and my luck
Me.

******

PS:Okay, Just in case you think I'm an evil demented bastard, please understand that it wasn't meant to cause her harm. She wouldn't have fallen too if she was't slightly chubby. I respect women, and I made sure that I wasn't supposed to hurt her. It was just a harmless little nudge from a car something that I am sure that you have gotten. I hope you people don't take me for a convict (like certain blood relatives of mine) and take this incident in the good humour it was intended. So if you feel I was wrong in anyway, I'm Sorry, thers nothing you can do about it..

The days that shone out.

Have had a difficult time trying to post, because my cousin came from Mumbai to spend what is looking like an eternity with his mom’s sister’s son (ME). And for reasons you may know, I would like it if my familia don’t stumble across Carbon Cluster. Soo ill just rush through some important days from the 21st April (read: the last post).

27th April
AIEEE, in a nutshell, easy shit, I think ill make 200 something,( which is SEXY on the lack of a better word). The magical bit about AIEEE is that, you can top but still end up going to some second grade rip off like NIT Vallana ( im sure im spelling this wrong but that’s what it sounded like when a friend told about it over the phone)

Oh and this the day I turned 17 years and 7 months ( I know nothing much to celebrate but trust me, you NEED something to write about when you are blogging after a month)

2nd May
Met Nishka, I know I don’t really Shout about her a lot, but here is a crash course, met her through a friend in July last year, she was living in some remote district of Tamil Nadu then, I guess I’m a sucker for rural upbringing, maybe I shouldn’t push more than this, golden rule of being a guy, never get on the wrong side of a girl with sexy eyes. So the venue was this road in front of Shankar Vihar, and the most important meeting of the year was actually a 20 min walk under the baking Delhi sun on a baking Delhi afternoon, but I guess the sun lost its sting and they were 20 minutes of pure bliss, so if you read this Nishka, thanks.

6th May
Went to watch Iron Man, well I’m not the types who’ll come out and shout “PHAADOO MOVIE THI YAAR, THOK DI MOVIE NE!!” nor am I the types who’ll complain about the character development and the direction, so without being articulate all I can describe it with is a ‘Nice Movie, worth a watch’. Well the reason why im bloging about this in the first place is the hall. I mean there were two people in IT. Guess that’s what you expect from Fun Cinemas Motinagar, lesson learnt, Motinagar is as much of a turn off as is sounds. Here have a look at the hall 5 minutes before the movie.

7th May
DCE, well if you have read enough of my blog this would come to you. Well this fine day, I actually got an end put to my (and my mom’s, dad’s, uncles’, aunts’…. basically every known member of my family’s) worries. It was easier than I thought it would be, I mean it took me less than 5 minutes to get my Left Hand Thumb Impression at the required places, mom on the other hand just couldn’t comprehend why I was so cheerful, when I pointed out that completing a form was not exactly a solemn occasion she was quick to snap back with a “None of this would have happened, if only you were a bit responsible!”. Look at the pictures for a bit, i never thought that a stamp pad could give me this much of happiness.

All these days were quite eventful, and if the times weren’t so turbulent I would have written a post about each one individually so for OBVIOUS reasons I thought I would put them a medley.

So from finally completing my DCE form to MOST IMPORTANTLY, finally meeting the SWEETEST GIRL OUT THERE there, its been a nice 20 days. :)

Later
libra boy (yup that’s what all online astrological sites refer to me as!!)

Sweet Olives

I guess this is the longest I have gone without a post, frankly because life is such a dud, nothing much is happening these days.

Well I’m writing a book with one of my friends, actually he is the one writing I’m just making sure that the character ‘influenced’ by me isn’t sidelined and being a lucid writer myself my creative inputs can only help ~smile~, (considering I don’t know what exactly does lucid mean, maybe I may not be THAT good), so anyways this book is about the last two years at school , when we come off fresh with straight 90’s in 10 th and look at the world as our oyster, it covers how we dwell into the finer joys of life, like hanging out at Priya’s, Rajinder Da Dhaba, Hookas, Drums of Heaven, Hash, McDonalds (well I’m not exactly the Happy meal kid but hasn’t every grown up in a McDonalds), when we start looking at the rainbow as something more than just the dispersion of light and when we realize that girls are more important than the Law of Radioactive Decay. Frankly if some other 17 year old told me about his intentions to write a book I would have seen LAME written all over him, and even though I know that the book is most probably going to be shelved I really cant help but acknowledge how important these two years have been, and even though I might not be able to dedicate a book to them I have at least dedicated a post. Ohh and Sweet Olives is the tentative name for ANONYMOUS’s book, dude if u read this I hope I don’t get a notice for plagiarism.

On a related yet different topic I went to DCE today ( see last post – ‘fingers and prints’) or more like I was forced to drive to what looked liked West Bengal by my angel of a mother. The campus is just huge and looks really deserted, on reaching there I was told that I would be called to complete the errors in my form and I should not have come without being called, which was almost word to word of what I had been screaming at my mother for the past week. Its shocking as to how mom on hearing that could bring herself to say “At least we know for sure now” I just don’t get adults!! I mean how can they be so wrong and still defend themselves!! One perfectly beautiful day wasted transmuting to some remote corner of my city.

Its amazing how accurately I could put the last fortnight in 456 words, (I DID NOT COUNT, u can see them in my word processor)

Later
me

fingers and prints,

Lets cut the long story short I sent an incomplete application to DCE ( Delhi College of Engineering ) for their entrance exam CEE ( Combined Entrance Examination, I am not sure about this one , might be ‘Common’ so tell me if I am wrong.).

Slight mistake that can happen with anyone !! ( more to myself than anyone else), but what surprises me is everybody’s response (none of them think on my lines), while my friends think that I was sloshed when I filled up the form, my parents think that it is nothing short of murder ,“they wont let you give the examination”, “how can you be like this Rahul?”, “this is just so idiotic”, “why cant you get up before 9 am?”, “why so you sleep so late?” is what I get from them, ( talk about affection for your offspring!!) . Here is a snippet from a conversation between me and a friend

HER: how can you forget to put the LEFT HAND THUMB IMPRESSION ??( as if it is the most obvious thing she knoes)
ME: the same way I forgot to sign on the IIT form.
HER: you are the limit! Do one thing send another application.
ME: what is wrong with you woman ?? they will set me up for bigamy.
HER: yeah that can happen, you deserve it though, do one thing send it under a different address ( making it sound like the most sensible thing to do, WOMEN!!)

( ohh and I DID forget to sign on my IIT form, but out of the goodness of their hearts, the people at IIT called me up and asked me to come over and sign , simple enough but my mom still thought that I deserved a lecture on my lax attitude !!)

Deciding against taking her advice I sent an email to the nice people at DCE ( I actually want to use pestile little bastards who don’t pick up phone calls…. ) and this what it went like.

*****

Sir
I have submitted my application (No 008048) for CEE 2008, through speed post (receipt no. ED387259103IN). My application does not bear the left hand thumb impression, please look into the matter, I can arrive to provide the thumb impression for the form, on any given date, or can send a new form altogether if you so please.

Please look into this matter, and reply back with your suggestions before the last date for submitting of applications for the CEE ( 16th April 2008)

Apologising for any inconvenience caused.

Yours Truly
Rahul Bhatnagar

*****

I wanted to write

'WTF is wrong with you people, who cares about my damn LEFT HAND THUMB IMPRESSION ??'

but I guess this isn’t a BAD email, I guess blogging helps in making you articulate, hope they reply, will follow up with developments.

and then there were none........

Well ummm……… (Note the repetitive start, its become kind of like a pattern, I’ll have to work on this one…) life hasn’t been all that good. Engineering entrances round the corner, mom dad grueling at home, slight misunderstandings with the person who IS the cause of mom dad grueling at home, slight flu, rain, power cuts, global warming, land degradation, urbanization, inflation, solar variation (well not exactly but I have to make this post big), aldol condensation (science students can relate to this one), Rakhi Sawant ( I am so sick of her hogging around whenever I watch the news), Hargobind Khurana ( do you know him? well nor do I)….. so it goes on

But one thing I have realized is that “life is always as bad as you want it to be” ( Nishka Naidu December 2007 ), I am sure life could have been equally bad if there were none, so hope there never will be none, coz “no matter how your bad life is , there will always be someone out there who would kill to be in your shoes.” (My creation, and a good one at that), so keep smiling because

“Real bad things happen only in news papers” (another one from Me, drumrolls!).

PS: On two different days back to back I found certain things behind Punjabi Bagh Club ( New Delhi), first day was a pack of condoms, and day two was an ipill box, no wonder my mom said “ who achhe log nahin hain.” When I enquired about the cars parked there a few years ago, well if one of those achhe log reads this, guys please get a room, ohh and the ipill is an after morning pill. Pictures ?? well I might be from a boys school but I'm no pervert.

After you read this post thank god for your life, and the good and bad things that come with it. Coz that is what I am going to do after writing it. :)

Me

just above it......

Well just a reminder to you tell you that I am officially above formal schooling. My Computer Science board which happened yesterday, was nothing worth talking about so a post on it would just be full of shit, (Just in case you want to know , there are no sets in the Computer Science paper).

Had a moderately good time yesterday, I mean moms soo change when you outgrow schooling , she funded a crate of breezer for yesterday’s celebration ( I know that’s closer to coke than alcohol , but its a start, something to build on, hopefully) which I finished with a slight help from friends. Coming from my mom that is a stunner I mean heres what happened when I came back home after spending time with friends after 11th finals.

MOM : I think there is something on your teeth, open you mouth for a sec.
ME : AAAA
MOM : sniffffff…..
ME : Mom what ARE you doing ??
MOM : Nothing. ( in the most innocent tone she could come up with. Keeps her suspicions to herself.)

So Thanks mom for being who you are, and I sincerely hope you arent reading from one of those good parenting books again. :)

Nothing more, well a couple of months back I read an article in a mag called Scientific American, it was about this machine being developed by CERN ( read : big guys who can go wild with technology ) called the LHC ( LARGE something COLLIDER) , the article revolved around how this LHC could cause unprecedented discoveries and might lead to the discovery of the Higgs Particle ( read : undiscovered particle which ‘supposedly’ explains everything) I would have cited references but they are beyond the scope of anyone not pursuing Cosmology from MIT ( if you still want to know just google, but trust me this post will still make more sense than anything you can come across) , so two days ago in the news paper I got to read how someone thinks that CERN is basically screwing around and how the LHC might create a black hole which will destroy Earth and everything I ( and you) know. (Science Fiction anyone?? And to think I used to find X Men Hypothetical, at least they made more sense than what Scientific American has taught me.)

I guess I’ll get to see all my readers when the black hole compresses us to within a square centimeter of each other (Very seriously speaking that IS possible).I’ll follow up with any ‘Important’ developments ( basically if you think there is a black hole on Earth, you know just the right blog to confirm it).

Nothing much really, mom is killing me for IIT ( read : cheap but very popular MIT rip-off) preparation, while I seek to enjoy the finer joys of life. Mom thinks the 2 years at VMC will pay off but frankly all VMC has made me realize is that I don’t stand a chance :). I would rather be who I am than someone who’s over educated and underpaid.

Me

this day goes real long

Anything that can possibly go wrong, does - Murphy's Law.

I remember when a friend told me about this law in 7th he had to face a lot of ridicule and slander but yesterday I realized that it most probably is the governing principle of life.

If you don’t have time just close the browser because here goes the description of a looong day.

By evening yesterday, I found myself driving myself to get a haircut ( you would know the desperate measures moms have to resort to convince you yo get one) , so I was parking the car and this auto came pelting in the wrong side and ripped of the side of my Nanu’s car, I dont think I felt much, but when I looked out IT WAS SCARY, I mean my car could have actually fitted in a “ HEAD ON COLLISION 5 DEAD” type of story. Here have a look.

Unfortunately there was this police chauki nearby, in what looked like seconds this hefti Jatt was next to me. He said its okay and asked me for my license ( Well if you have read enough of my blog you would kno that I’m 17 I don’t have one!!) , so while the auto wala was carried away I was let of by a Rs 900 fine for not carrying my license ( I don’t know if there is any such thing) , I reach back home, and after some well uhh non parliamentary discussion with my parents my dad confronted me, I thought it would be another round of “you should be more responsible”, “ you are almost an adult” , “ why don’t you study??” , “why don’t you polish your shoes??” etc etc . but this was shocking, heres how it went:

DAD : do you have a girlfriend?
ME : uhh no dad , where did that come from??
DAD : then why has this girl sent you an SMS saying “ luv u sheepy”??
ME : ( consider telling him that sheepy might refer to someone else, but he looked like he had a pretty good idea of what was going on , so decide against it)

(Here is what happened, for the first time in 8 months I left my cell at home when I left, it was on vibrator, but also the lights were out in my room, and the door was open, the fact that a picture was associated with the ‘contact in question’ didn’t help much either. )

DAD : you know I don’t mind, but this is not the time. ( BASICALLY HE DOES MIND),

An hour of what you can guess later, I jumped into my bed to end what was a long day.

So I guess my parents image of me as a kid in a boy’s school with no contact with the fairer sex has changed dramatically. And to think I was starting to find life monotonous, thanks for making it interesting Nishka :) .

I publish this post hoping that my mom hasn’t yet found my blog, but by my luck she probably is an avid reader by now!!

Oh I got my IIT admit card today, it really excited my mom, to me it signifies 1000 bucks and a failed attempt.